I’ve been thinking a great deal about language, probably because many of the people I see struggle mightily with putting their experiences into words. However, the issue is not one of being able to report experiences; few clients have difficulty telling me what has happened to them. Rather, the challenge centers on finding words to capture the texture and meaning of the experience. Language humanizes us. It helps us make sense of what we experience. When language is impaired or occluded, we often feel at sea: confused, anxious, depressed. Language helps us create memories and helps us develop a sense of continuity over time. It brings our experiences to greater consciousness and helps us integrate our external experiences of the world with our interior worlds. The poet May Sarton illustrated this when she remarked “I write prose to find out what I think; I write poetry to find out what I feel.” We often find out what we think by speaking. Language is central to our lives.
There are many reasons that language can become difficult to use. For example, very early childhood trauma may have occurred before language developed, making it difficult to put those experiences into words. Similarly, severe trauma can strip one of language so that the words that might describe it seem inadequate to the depth of the actual experience. There are other barriers: social and family strictures may prohibit giving voice to one’s experience. (I can think of innumerable occasions where clients believed that they could not speak of their feelings because the prevailing social and cultural ethos prevented them from doing so.) Inner, unconscious conflict centering on one’s deepest desires may also prevent one from speaking. Brain damage can also inhibit language. And, of course, we all speak in hope that there will be someone to listen; too often there is no one willing or able to listen.
Many people enter therapy hoping to give voice to their experiences, solve problems, and make sense of their lives. They come into therapy hoping that the therapist will be willing to listen and able to hear the depths of what is being said. Anxiety often signals that there is an issue that has been relegated to silence but which needs to be given voice. Therapy can be a vital means for helping people put their experiences into words.
Overcoming the barriers to giving voice to experience is only one of the challenges to therapy. Another challenge centers on finding a common language. Indeed, the therapist cannot assume that he or she shares the language of the client. Language is fluid; meanings evolve and shift from client to client. Paradoxically, while language can illuminate, it can also obscure. Thus, a great deal of time is spent learning the client’s language—the meanings of specific words, patterns of language, the nuances of tone and non-verbal cues, feelings embedded in language, meanings hidden within it.
Psychotherapy, in its essence, is about helping you give voice to that which has been unexpressed. It’s a process of helping you find the words to express feelings—something that many people have trouble with—explore memories that have been buried, air wounds, and find meaning. Psychotherapy creates a safe space where words can be found. The therapist will listen very carefully and very deeply not only to hear what is spoken but to elicit what may be unspoken. The therapist will invite the client to give voice to that which has been unexpressed. And the therapeutic process will help client find meaning in his experience, allowing for healing and creating wholeness. Ultimately, by inviting you to put your experience into words, psychotherapy can help you transform your life.