When you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed or in pain, the discomfort can trigger strong impulses that impact how you respond to the situation that gave rise to your feelings. Some of these impulses conflict with each other: the impulse to overthink—to ruminate and endlessly analyze causes and consequences; the impulse to take action—any action that will reduce the anxiety; the impulse to avoid—to flee, to escape, to ignore. These impulses can create a perfect storm for more intense anxiety. Acting on these any of these impulses is not likely to result in effective solutions.
Most of us are often quick to rush into problem-solving mode when we confront something aversive or unpleasant. When you feel anxious or uncomfortable, your thinking can become catastrophic, distorting your ability to evaluate what is really going on. And when you think catastrophically, you are likely to anticipate more pain which then propels you into impulsive action that may be premature and even destructive. You end up reacting to your feelings instead of responding to the situation.
What to do?
Buddhists have a saying: “Do what this moment requires.”
This phrase is deceptively simple and profoundly wise. Notice that the “doing what this moment requires” asks first that we attend to THIS moment. It asks that we set aside habitual patterns of seeing and behaving and focus instead on what is really happening in this moment, right now. The phrase asks that we let go of the past and future. The phrase asks that we see the present clearly without adding stories or interpretations that can cloud our perceptions about what is actually happening now. Only then can we discern what action might be necessary.
“Do what this moment requires.”
What does this moment require? This moment requires that you be willing to have a relationship with this moment. You need to be present so that you can see what choices are available in this moment. Sometimes this moment requires that you take action, action that is mindfully chosen—not impulsively undertaken. Sometimes this moment simply requires that you be present and attentive; the time for action may arise later.
This is not to imply that taking action is a bad choice. However, too often we take actions that are premature because the moment for taking action has not yet arisen. When we act prematurely, we often end up creating additional problems because we failed to see the situation as it is, because we failed to discern all the forces that created the situation, because we created a story and reacted to the story instead of the reality.
If you’re able to slow down, discern what is actually happening without adding stories of interpretations to it, you’re more likely to see possibilities for creative responses that effectively meet this moment and lead toward solutions. Easier said than done.
I would assert that this moment may also require you to be and stay in relationship with another person. Supportive people can help you see the situation with greater clarity; other people can help you see what might be really going on. Therapeutic relationships can help us set aside habitual patterns of seeing and acting. These relationships broaden our views so as to see the larger picture, and, more important, find perspectives that are more likely to engender healthier responses. Indeed, when you’re willing to be vulnerable and meet this moment in relationship with others, doing what this moment requires can be an act of healing.