Has this ever happened to you?
You wake up in the morning, and your first thought is, “Work again. I hate my job. I don’t want to go to work. I wish I could call in sick. I wish I could be doing something else.” Your mood for the rest of the day is characterized by dread and anxiety.
Or this: You receive critical feedback for a project you’ve been working on, and after the feedback, you ruminate on your “inadequacies” or “failures” for the rest of the day and feel unmotivated to do any additional work.
Or this: You have an argument with your significant other, and you walk away thinking “I have to break up. We’re just not connecting; he just doesn’t get me. I don’t know how to connect with him. I don’t know how to make this better.” For the rest of the day, you think about how inadequate you feel, how hopeless your relationship feels.
Or this: You’ve been thinking about starting to date again after breaking off a relationship, but the idea of dating evokes memories of your ex, and you think “I don’t want to start all over again. I should have stayed with him. I’m unattractive; I’m too old for this. The idea of meeting new people—ugh. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I hate dating!” You spend the rest of the day feeling unlovable, lonely and unworthy.
Many of us get caught up in a loop of ruminative, negative thinking triggered by small (and sometimes not so small) encounters where we feel helpless. Once caught in the loop, our thinking can become catastrophic, and it’s hard to detach from those thoughts. They seem to take control, leaving us depressed, anxious, and despondent. We may start believing that we are permanently trapped, flawed beyond repair or unworthy of any of life’s pleasures. Indeed, negative loops can persist for a long time and lead to depression, anxiety or other mental health problems.
How do we get caught in these negative loops in the first place? And more important, how do we get out of them?
We often get caught in the content of negative thinking when we encounter an event or person that triggers unconscious memories of shame or inadequacy that link with patterns of helplessness that we learned long ago. These reactive patterns have been reinforced over time, and have become overgeneralized and dysfunctional. Negative thoughts become part of the story we then tell ourselves about who we are in the world and how the world impacts us. We come to believe that these thoughts are true and then see ourselves and the world through a negative lens.
Thoughts arise. Trying to stop yourself from thinking negative thoughts is usually an exercise in futility. The trick to managing those negative loops is not get caught in their content in the first place. Or if you’re already caught in a negative loop, it is helpful to learn to detach from, neutralize, and let the thought go.
Easier said than done.
Nonetheless, minimizing engagement with those negative thoughts, and even learning to let go of negative thoughts is a much more effective strategy. Mindfulness practice—watching the thought arise, acknowledging its presence, letting it go—can be a good first step toward detaching from the loop: “I’m having the thought again. Here it is. Thinking.” Shifting your attention to a positive activity or thought is a good next step in moving out of the negative loop: “It’s just a thought. No need to get caught up in it. Entertaining the thought doesn’t really help me. Time to let it go and focus on ... (fill in the blank).” Moving directly into a task or other activity can help you move out of the loop.
Relaxation is an additional strategy that can help weaken the power of negative loops. There is a mind-body connection, and engaging relaxation strengthens more positive thinking. Progressive muscle relaxation, bringing attention to the body and its sensations—without adding interpretation or commentary to what you might be experiencing—and breathing through the sensations can be effective for neutralizing negative thoughts and the tensions they can create.
Finally, therapy can provide solid strategies for identifying the specific origins of the loops and restructuring the thoughts so that they are less potent and more manageable.
Negative thoughts are rarely eliminated; they are part of life. But they can be managed so that they do not predominate.